Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
