Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
