I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
