I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
