i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Fuck appropriateness.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
