I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
