Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
