just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
