i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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