did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I think my moral compass just broke
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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