Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
