he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
