That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
