i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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