Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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