Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
