he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
