I am in a vortex of obligation.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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