i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
