I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
