just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
