Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
