Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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