hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
zippers are such a cool invention
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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