my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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