yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
