I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
