shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
