i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
