I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
