you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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