Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
