i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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