This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
