Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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