Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
