I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
