Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
