My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
