woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
