i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
