She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
