i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
