hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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