My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
All the doctor said was why
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
