false alarm. still invincible.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
