Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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