did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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