"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
