Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
