It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
