Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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