I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
